Shanzophrenia.

I have your strings, so leap in dire, for shall i make you tire.
O! Son of believer, the time holds you in this clover,
for what you fear is what i show in this fever"


I've had grown in sickness these past days, working my way with cure.
My stomached ached and I would catch up on sleep soon, time after time.
I realized I am falling in the state of nightmares, each time i closed my eyes.

I could see my fears, upon me, depicting self-pity, paranoia.
A sword in my face, holding me against my regrets for my loved ones.
*sigh* the foolish worry I carry, that I haven't done justice in the dealings in the way I feel
for them, that i haven't really felt the love for them, when they expected the trance.

Each time I woke up, I could remember the dream. And each time I woke up, I woke up from pain growing in my belly. I truly realized that moment that 'Satan' invokes itself in us, when we are weak. The physical pain is endowing the spiritual pain, manifesting into our weak selves. It is a state when we are truly 'weak'

I took the dare, and I went to sleep again, only this time, enjoying with what he played, perhaps I gave him a since of space in me to grow and manifest himself upon me, this time I slept deep, it seemed as if he redeemed himself with me.. As if he was really eager, or shall I say impatient to let his negativity flow in me.

*Now, I only did this in order to see my weaknesses as a person, more clearly!
I wouldn't recommend this to anyone, since its really painful.
And this state of battle only occurs when you are spiritually and physically weak.
And another aspect which should be there is 'realization' you should know what your going through. I've seen people really lost after this.*

By now, I felt spiritually growing stronger, as my physical pain had also eased, still at sleep, he was putting forth my fears in front of me. I could feel the he was trying harder, cause I was resisting and making notes of my weaknesses, but not fearing them. Until he grew tired!! And I couldn't sleep anymore.. He really did give up!

__________________________________
Painting: Henry Fuseli.
'The Nightmare' exhibited 1782.
Oil on canvas, 1210 x 1473 x 89 mm